Tsuna's BAD APPLE
by ReaperofDarkness
Summary: I'm just tired even of walking, I don't even understand people. If someone like me can change, if I can change, will I turn white? A one shot based on the Touhou Project song BAD APPLE.


**Reaper: **Hey there. Sorry for making ANOTHER KHR story instead of updating the ones I already have. XD Don't hurt me. I recently got obsessed with this amazing song by Touhou, and I love it! So when I read the English lyrics, I was like 'TSUNA'. ... Everything that comes to my mind involves KHR, doesn't it? =.= Anyways, here it is~ Hopefully I didn't completely ruin the anime or the song with this little one shot...And hopefuly the little story thing matches with the song...if not, sorry~! Ignore any mistakes, please.

_**DISCLAIMER - I OWN NOTHING. NOT THE SONG OR THE ANIME. **_

**Even in the midst of flowing time, I feel languid, look, spinning around and around.  
I can't even see the heart that's leaving me, didn't you know? **

The Mafia. It was a dark, deadly name for a world of hell and blood-shed. As time moved on in the history of the Mafia, the human population seemed to forget it ever existed, allowing it to melt into the cracks of time and memories.

Sawada Tsunayoshi, a innocent boy of 14, had to be sucked into this horrid nightmare of a life, slowly to lose his innocence and light.

**I can't even get myself to move, I continue to be washed down the cracks of time.  
I don't know anything about what's around me, I'm just me and no more.**

As time moved on, Tsuna began to realize that being the 10th Mafia Boss to be of the Vongola Mafia was not a joke. It was not a stupid, horrible dream. It was cold, hard _reality_, and he had to deal with it. People wanted him to be the perfect, wonderful boss he could only yearn to be. Other, who were more selfish, wanted him to be the splitting image of the first Vongola Boss, Giotto.

Tsuna, as time continued to slip through the cracks of life, came to understand that _he himself _had to only believe in who he wanted to be. He was himself, and no one else. Though, that didn't stop his surroundings from twisting and disappearing until he was lost on where he was.

**Am I dreaming? Or seeing nothing? My words are useless even if I speak.  
I'm just tired of being sad, I should go on without feeling anything.**

Sometimes Tsuna saw reality as a dream. He'd blink and suddenly be wide awake, wondering if what had just occurred in his moment of day-dreaming was a sliver of reality of a mere slice of imagination. A dream. Sometimes Tsuna would wonder if what he was seeing was there at all. When you were surrounded by baby hitmans, terrorist 5-year-old-children, and the complete society of the Mafia, you tended to ignore the norm and think everything is fake and just made-up.

Frankly, no matter how many times he protested, he couldn't get his point across that he didn't want to be a Mafia boss. Tsuna finally gave up, knowing arguing over something he obviously wasn't going to win was just a waste of time. Besides, he was sick of feeling sad about the whole thing. Sometimes he wished he couldn't feel at all.

**Even if you give me the words I'm at a loss for, my heart just won't pay attention.  
If I move myself away, if I change everything, I'll turn it all black.**

Even if you tried to cheer Tsuna up, he'd just sigh and give you a smile. He was done. He was just going to accept his role as the Mafia boss. Why try to fight against Kami-sama himself when you were at gun-point with Reborn?

Even if Tsuna took the advice a certain red headed traitor once spoke, he couldn't run. He couldn't leave his family, his friends, his loved ones. He couldn't change anything that has happened, past, present, future, to deal with the grief of dragging them all into the world of the Mafia.

Their happy innocent world of pure white was bled in black.

**Is there a future for someone like me? Will I still exist in a world like this?  
Is this painful? Is it sad? Not even knowing myself.**

Tsuna always asked himself, "Do I have a future?" Of course, everyone had a future. But Tsuna's wasn't exactly safe or normal when he got sent ten years into the future to stop a crazed man from taking over the world. It also didn't help when he found out his 25 year old self **DIED **against this evil man.

Tsuna always asked himself, "Will I still exist in a world like this?" Of course he would. But would he be the same cute, happy, clumsy Tsuna everyone knew and grew to follow? Or would he be the mastermind from the future, the one who pulled the strings in the back?

Tsuna always felt the pain and sadness of knowing, seeing, that he was changing. He was losing himself. He was losing his 'Dame-Tsuna'ness to the 'Vongola Decimo'.

**I'm just tired even of walking, I don't even understand people.  
If someone like me can change, if I can change, will I turn white?**

Day after day, training after training, fight after fight, it was all so tiring. Just walking wore the boy out now, and that was pretty sad.

If he looked back, would he be proud or sad that he changed from a no good boy to a strong leader?

If he had the chance, could he fall back into the pure, innocent world of white?

**Even in the midst of flowing time, I feel languid, look, spinning around and around.  
I can't even see the heart that's leaving me, didn't you know?**

As time still moves, Tsuna looks back, seeing memories. Everything, in the year that Reborn entered, started the chain effect of Tsuna's damned fate. The world continued to spin, never stopping, no matter how much Tsuna begged and cried for it to pause from its merry-go-round fun.

Tsuna slowly started to realize his emotions were fading. Reborn had said, "Emotions are for the weak, and the weak aren't Mafia bosses."

**I can't even get myself to move, I continue to be washed down the cracks of time.  
I don't know anything about what's around me, I'm just me and no more.**

It was like being in a wave-pool in a water park. Sitting in a floatie and allowing to be rocked back and forth against the waves. You couldn't stop, and you were to afraid to get off the floatie with a fear of going under the waves and never coming up.

Tsuna would look into the mirror every morning, watching as time aged him daily to grow him into a mature, strong, deadly adult. He would stare into the reflection of his hardening brown eyes and repeat, "I am Sawada Tsunayoshi, Vongola's Tenth Generation Mafia Boss."

It was the only way for him to be able to remember where he was and why he was still sane.

**Am I dreaming? Or seeing nothing? My words are useless even if I speak.  
I'm just tired of being sad; I should go on without feeling anything.**

Even as he grew to the age of twenty, he continued to ask himself if his life was a dream. Maybe, just maybe, this was all a dream and he had been in a 10-year coma caused by to much sleep or manga or something innocent and childish like that. But no, he knew it wasn't.

He also came to understand that it was better to keep your personal and non-Mafia related thoughts to yourself and not to speak them allowed. Apparently you get tired of feeling sorry for yourself when the allies scorn at you for your childishness and such.

Sometimes Tsuna wanted to be emotionless, just to deal with the darkness of life itself.

**Even if you give me the words I'm at a loss for, my heart just won't pay attention.  
If I can move, if I change everything, I'll turn it all black.**

"_It's okay, Jyuudaime."_

Did Tsuna's right hand man, Gokudera, not realize just how important those words were? They were the words Tsuna had wanted to hear for so long, a period of time that stretched to the moment he met eyes with Reborn. But now, now they were dead words. Lies built around a false belief of happiness and peace. No Mafia family was ever at peace. How could Gokudera say such a thing?

If Tsuna could move, he's run. If Tsuna could change anything, he'd change his fate. Right now, Tsuna wanted the world to be pitch black.

**Is there a future to come out of this useless time? Will I exist in a place like this?  
If I wanted to tell you what kind of person I am, the words I'd use would be "good for nothing."**

Tsuna blinked, wondering if anything had changed from his battle with Byakuran. Did it? Or was his future still damned to die at a young age by yet another opposing mafia family? Tsuna would sigh at these thoughts, seeing as how it wasted more energy to think of the answer.

If you met Tsuna at his age of 14, before he met Reborn, you'd probably ask him a question. That question would be, "What kind of person do you think you are?" And do you know what Tsuna would answer you with?

"A good for nothing."

**Will I exist in a place like this? Will I exist in a time like this?  
If someone like me can change, if I can change, will I turn white?**

Tsuna is alive. Tsuna has friends. Tsuna has family. He exists in the world of the Mafia with his only shred of sanity and light. He will exist for a long time. He will change, becoming stronger than they imagined. He will change.

He wants to step back into the world of white.

**Am I dreaming now? Or seeing nothing? My words are useless even if I speak.  
I'm just tired of being sad; I should go on without feeling anything.**

Finally he gives up. Tsuna realizes this is realty and he has to deal with it. He is seeing everything, crystal clear, and he wants to cry. His words are useless as tears fill his eyes.

He was tired of being sad. He was tired of not feeling anything. He wanted to feel the love and friendship he had so blindly ignored.

**Even if you give me the words I'm at a loss for, my heart just won't pay attention.  
If I can move, if I change everything, I'll turn it all black.**

If you spoke the words Tsuna had so desperately asked for, his heart would swoon.

He would run, he would change, and he'd burst through the white to enter the world of black to join his friends in their battle with their dark parts.

**If I move, if I move, I'll destroy everything, I'll destroy everything.  
If I grieve, if I grieve, can my heart turn white?**

As a Mafia boss, he had to make tough decisions. If he moved to attack an opposing family, he'd destroy them to protect his family. If he moved to protect his family, he'd destroy everything that wasn't there to protect them.

If he grieved for the teenage lives he stole from all his friends, would he be forgiven? If he grieved for all the deaths and losses, would his self-hatred die? If he grieved for everything he's caused, would his black, cold heart warm up to the white light?

**I still don't know about you, about myself, about everything.  
If I can open my heavy eyelids, if I break everything, then turn black!**

Tsuna is still growing up. He is still taking in the works of the world. He doesn't know a lot about others, or himself for that matter, or the world. But he will learn.

After a long, long sleep, Tsuna opens his eyes. The battle with Byakuran is over. Tsuna hits the coffin door, the darkness and pitch black shades bleeding as light finally filled his death box.

Tsuna sat up, pondering on what the last thing he remember was.

Black.


End file.
